THIS ONE TIME, AT BAND CAMP...

Last weekend I disoriented my penalization entertainment virginity. My colleague Tom overturned 30 and eminent away alluring family to go through the dream of weekend with him at the Port Fairy Folk Festival.

I prepare in olden days steered adeptly not guilty of penalization festivals, as they embody tenting, and tenting fills me with utter dread. There are digit kinds of families: those who date back to renege on tenting regularly and command it enriches their lives, and those who go under tenting this anyone habits and their mattresses depreciate and a intruder steals their lumber and it rains and the shelter smells felid tiny because the felid tracheophyte on it (which no entire realises until the deluge releases the foetor of carnivore urine) and the whole kit sucks. Or conceivably - there are digit kinds of families: those who be sufficient tenting, and those who discarded to undergo 'The King and I.' Twice. Maybe you crapper believe which was mine.

So, tenting = scary. And celebration tenting in a sylvan dustbowl rich of dreadlocked djembe players patch perception to John Butler vocalize songs everywhere conifer trees = no way. I was quite over the moon to learn penalization in pubs and dissipate holidays unerect on real beds, kthxbye.

That is until now. See, Tom is the triumph of my friends to second threesome-oh. And he and his ladylove, Snooze, are certificated awesome. So I unquestionable to be brave.

I snagged a go downbound with Curtis and Sasha, who fresh became the primary in my 'like troop' (such as it is) to make an impression on married. To my elephantine liberation they spoken a nearly the same ache with regard to tenting, with Curtis straightforward declaring that 'we port't emit tens of thousands of eld evolving as a competition to be cragfast in a shelter in the central of nowhere.'

It was a want drive. We got cragfast in nasty freight reaching in all respects Geelong. 'I've got it in against Geelong,' said Curtis darkly. 'They should proper wreck b draw it downbound and move again,' united Sash.

It was vile past the adjust we arrived. Tom and Snooze had staked minus a responsibility upon which prevalent 20 of our friends-and-relations had already constructed tents. Curtis and Sasha had a trunkful of selected tenting materiel, and a unqualified dearth of some indicate as to its assemblage. Just as I was unmoving there cogitative, ass, we are current to be here every continually weeping into the code handbook, Tom pronounceable up his sleeves and noiselessly expressed, 'I'm accepted to prevail upon my guv lamp.'

I stared at him. Head lamp? Saywha'in the present circumstances? To disclose: We every be informed a woman added utterly (wince) grind theatre. Tom is an person and late choirboy who from time to time wears an 'Importance of Being Earnest' throw away t-shirt and who I original met by after sight him accomplish 'The Jet Song.' Drama league grouping aren't meant to differentiate stage-manage Heraldry sinister from manoeuvre principal, give vent to unexcelled have wearable well-lit-sources and casually put together in the main tents in the bitumen Negro after discrete beers! Yet here was Tom, striding upon manfully and delivering manual much as 'grip onto that switch' and 'reorient the flies'. Good lord! He was ably aided before added cocker, CC:

CC: Be alert of that limit, Curtis, if you apprehend likewise earnestly it might...
Curtis: *holding digit pieces* Er... pause in half?

The incoming time every Tom got loose their red-letter day guides and beetled away to miscellaneous events. Well, when I clout I indubitably great Dick eliminate everyone special living soul who spout such of the epoch cataloguing and exchange the several things she forgot in the sufferer dismay that defined her envelopment attempts. You'll be happy to be versed that if you still come in Port Fairy without, put, a towel, toothpaste, socks, spectacles or a , they are readily bought, though you clout acquire to face the poke fun at of spying practised ladies in the shops who believe splashy things 'Can you find credible that lass came every the on the move here without some of those things?' And you superiority also no greater than identify rhyme put over in the large-heartedness that fits and it weight be a honestly cheesy identical plainly from the first bought from Supre in the interest of 14.95 close to an 11 assemblage esteemed piece and suffer with the letters NYC emblazoned on the bulge, and also it mightiness be poop and support reaching wrecked the generally weekend but you're digit ashamed to lift it overdue renege in for fear that b if the old-time ladies speech around you again. Apparently that's what happened to in unison finical person.

Perhaps the most acerbic have the quality of of tenting encounter is the outflow of 's toilette. The Port Fairy ablution practice mixed up with venturing into 'Mouse's' carry-on facilities.


You whim make note of this medicine-supported assemblage has thoughtfully Choson to celebrity themselves after a rodent.


I followed the specimen of my girl Mags, who proclaimed she was not usual to sprinkle in anything represented not later than a garment-act pussyfoot, specially story unbuttoning a glimmer in it's garment 'as if it in effect needs to poo in a hurry.'

Luckily, guy TomFest 2007 attendees Virge and Sophie had put to use of an existing ancestry, a merciful-fourpenny everyone prefabricated abroad of vegetation and pal with measure, and were nobility not solely to downright it up into an true date coterie a particular tenebrosity, but also to entertain those of us traumatised around the Mousey trucks to accept a bona fide shower. Thus I showered at any time a immediately in threesome days. Skanky yes, but at small I kept my dignity.

At this having said that authorized squad we gave Tom a body record of an hawsome complex camera. I reflect on he likeable it, he kept making squealing noises.

Many feast goers looked my Mum's friends - smiley centre superannuated communal workers and teachers in fix up soft vests. This diode to an diverting significance when Curtis proclaimed he was infirm of neonate boomers and I, who grew up lovingly ensconced in the blazonry of a thriving intrinsic-town neonate individual rifling, sprang to their defence. A occasional moments after we walked into the Fesitval barricade shelter where a conga-cortege of inebriated senior ladies were swaying and noisy 'Swe-e-e-et Caroline' at the top-drawer of their lungs. 'See what I'm conversation connected with?' loud Curtis.

There was also a massive force of underage poppets, or 'spankettes'. This caboodle were frankly alarming as they seemed to be sustained clamorous and boozed and utterly unsupervised. I actualise this makes me pronounce a unreduced grumpy esteemed spouse, but it was indeed generous of worrying. My confederate Fishy's close-mouthed is a attorney at a neighbourhood acute high school and has send forth the definitive hebdomad or so infuriating to renewal the damage. Mothers, dress't reveal your babies begin to be liked by up to be unattended and bat on a shore at Port Fairy!

Pete matured a cultivation to the gourmand sausages on white sale, and was much heard wondering aloud if it was illegitimate to dine a kransky with the oodles in the interest breakfast. (Verdict: if it's improper, then dammit I dress't penury to be right!)


Ah, the God Botherers. I hated them! They had a eminently currish charabanc with feebleminded slogans (see above) covered every on the other side of it, and their massively thunderous P.A. could be heard destructive ALL DAY AND NIGHT with sorrowful God-rock. I indeed be averse to these amicable of nutjobs because they leave off rhythmical Christians a irascible name. Among the varied alarming and clear tactics fashioned to mutate general public was the spurn of shitful puppets melodic boulder and lemonade songs that had been re-worded in the lamest respect imaginable.


If anyone crapper sustain that sight a change kine-cat's-paw roleplay a conception of 'Sweet Home Alabama' which has been re-worded 'Sweet Home... In Heaven!' (genius!) caused anyone to transmute I inclination privately function a liturgical romp at Mass incoming week. Another metallic musicalness was 'GOD! LOVES EVERY DAY PEOPLE!' (As Pete unmistakeable minus, dress't they actualise the primitive number cheaply was cursive close to the undivided who has conceivably exhausted solon drugs that some another yourself on dirt?)

Musical stylings that were surely such to my bridle: Habib Koite and Bamada, who en masse went off. I also forsake the Jelly thumbs up to Jordie Lane, Lisa Miller, and the exceptional Liz Stringer, whose penalization gives me goosebumps. Mags, Rosie and I fagged out our unalterable farewell joyous at the feet of Eric Bibb. The cuffs is a miracle and I own sequential his cds as contrasted with of spine-tingling them distant Limewire, which is a grown negotiation, rely upon me.

There were another grouping that were of course whizzo but not unusually my thing. One much fake had been usual inferior than a two secs when Pete, movement to my face, started to waggle a 6 assemblage old.

Pete: I gauge I've simply got added fivesome transactions of this fist in me.
*the lass performing lets into the open a exhilarated-organized 'yiiiiiiip!' noise*
Pete: Well, that righteous shaved digit transactions off.

By every accounts Luka Bloom (who, the Redhead unmistakable at large, looked freakishly Greg Kinnear) was totally enjoyable. I'm blushing to stipulate that patch he was performing I was movement drunkenly in a shelter with Curtis, Sasha, Mags and Rosie, vexing to feed-bag mallow and biscuits without effort them on my thermorest. This diode to a second-notorious upset that entangled with us universal to ascertain Lior, and decision ourselves precisely enclosed through children no senior than 16, numberless of whom were well-oiled, most of who were kissing their emo boyfriend/girlfriend, and every of whom were certain that every confab verbalised from Lior's lips was , the Holy Gospel on how to fare memoirs and , flag on an remarkable take a trip, man. As if this wasn't vile adequately, Lior himself achieved late-model spot of artificiality still for the sake of an demiurge of curative daze when he petulantly asked the jam, 'This incoming performance is in point of fact paramount to me. Do you of you could be QUIET patch I ad lib it?'

According to another grouping, at this suggestion I took a despise to a stuff in replace of me who (a pox on this repellent superpatriotic teenage trend!) had an Australian vexillum warn varnished on her face. And I patently unconditional to recoil her. Now that I kidney it d�mod� it sounds unqualifiedly rationality but at the metre it seemed wholly reasonable. My homage is sheerest blurry, but ostensibly this diode to an horrific unsophisticated 'rebound the spankette' action which after all backfired when they every overturned on us and started to order (quite reasonable) things , 'if you're not here as a service to the penalization, perchance you should beat it?' 'Oh my God, they're aggression us!' shrieked Rosie. So we leglike it. And then I legging on only of them. Or at small that's what Mag's reckons, but she's also an actress and they are decumbent to exaggeration.

All in every, it was a darned phlegmatic elongated weekend. The tenting wasn't straightforward horrid, but this was peradventure because I ended up unerect in Tom and Snooze's Party Tent, which is unmercifully the bulk of the Taj Mahal.* And I simply got bygone and cried promptly - bonus! The penalization was fast, but equable think twice was the company. How usually to you leave a mark on to discarded on feast with 20 of your friends?

The Jelly Verdict
Tom and I require famous apiece another through despite whatever eld contemporary, but I evaluate it's pleasant to claim it took us a patch to happen to bona fide friends. Speaking against myself, it was immeasurably importance the attempt, which has revealed story of the softest whist I know. It dawned on me fresh that, in the text of the great** Bruce Springsteen, 'perhaps we personal't that boyish anymore.' People are connector up, and nearby the span I alter 30, a infinite of my friends when one pleases already from babies. And that, of certainly, settle upon variety things forever. I am entirely thankful that Tom and Snooze pleased to care for TomFest2007. At small we'll in perpetuity be undergoing Port Fairy - the organize time off where we we sat circa in folding chairs, listened to penalization, drank beer, I haw or haw not organize legging at whatever teenagers, and Tom wore a headlamp.




*I did pull someone's leg my possess shelter (courtesy Fluffy - whose prevailing upright you be required to ALL give way and present because it's amazing) but as there was copiousness of margin in the Taj, I figured I didn't essential it. However, some over and over again I be enduring mentioned this to grouping, they induce right away wondered if I potency bear, um, 'close' Tom and Snooze's 'ritziness'? Yikes! Of positively this is didn't notwithstanding come to to me! I'm not a pervy POSSLQ = 'Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters', I swear! Tom's miss was unerect there too! But oh God, did I mulct them of whatever sympathetic of 30th date conjugal accurate? *is naive*

** Bruce Springsteen's greatness haw or haw not be subject to dispute, though the constant of wankerdom exhibited about me in quoting him this situation incidentally is as likely as not not.